The control card
February 25, 2012
A lot is said about control in relationships of all kinds. When getting and increasing control is an agenda, admitted or not, watch out!
Controllers' brains are different
In my experience and research, control is not sought simply for its own sake. It’s a stepping stone to something else and that something else is usually quite dire for the person or persons on the receiving end of the control mandate.
One of the ironies of pathologically controlling people is that while they are driven to control others, they have little or no self control.
In abusive relationships, control creates the circumstances in which the controller can harm the other person. He (or she) does this because it excites and gratifies him (or her). The harming phase can go on for days, weeks, months, years, decades during which the other person is destroyed bit by bit. The harming phase may culminate in murder, but this is not often necessary because the harmed person is usually more dead than alive.
So, when you hear control, just remember there’s more to it than that.
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