"Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"

“Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”

I was 31 the first time I ever drank tequila. Four friends came over with a bottle and a bag of limes after knocking off work on a Friday evening. They set up the bar on the kitchen counter. They then showed me how to bite the lime, lick the salt and take the shot.

The guys were able to do it without making faces. We girls couldn’t help but wince. The tequila did not taste good to me, but I did it anyway. The lime, salt shaker and shot glass were passed down the line. We took our shots one-at-a-time while the others watched. It seemed like a rite of passage. My dog sat in the doorway and watched the proceedings. We had a few rounds, then went outside.

It was the kind of soft, cool summer evening the Pacific Northwest is known for. The tequila warmed and cheered us. We walked through acres of pasture and got down to the big creek that ran through my property. We walked and talked, my dog trotting alongside me or snuffling in the tall grass.

A big, wide bridge connected the two pastures. We sat down on it and listened to the rushing water. The salmon run was just barely beginning, so every few minutes we saw a fish or two or heard a splash in the shallows. (A month later, they would be running heavily, dozens every minute swimming under the bridge.)

We sat on the bridge as our sensory data banks filled. Some time later, we lay down with our heads together and our bodies fanned out like a starfish. I don’t know who started it, but within a little while we were belting out U2 songs. We cracked up as we fumbled for lyrics through some of them–until the last one which, with raw throats, we sang like an anthem, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. We held the last note and then lay in silence for many minutes as the private meaning of the moment sank into each of us.

And Now

We are still searching. Many are not finding and hurting for it; others are finding and glad for it. Many are still searching for material things; others are searching for the immaterial. Health, wealth and relationships, the timeless occupations of the human soul.

It strikes me as immeasurably precious and ironic that the things that last, that have the most bearing on our lives are not things at all. We fight for and against truth and lies, creativity and destruction, faith and fear, love and apathy, peace and war. We also fight for and against ourselves. Perhaps by design.

The tonnage of distraction and misinformation is unreal now. We are all mislead about some thing or more likely many things. It’s the planets, the aliens, the banks, the congress, the terrorists, the neighbors, the food, the water, the chemtrails and more. It’s the age-old battle between good and evil.

Something Is Coming

It’s plain that a lot of people feel circumstances are coming to a head. All over the world, I read that something is going to happen, something is going to be done, something is going to be revealed. It feels different now than at other times. Things are more dire for the earth and its inhabitants than most of us have ever experienced or imagined.

There seem equal reasons to fear the worst and expect a miracle. Are we heading for another communist rage, like that fatally inflicted on 60 million Russians in the early 20th century? Are we heading for another renaissance, like the cultural flowering that swept across Europe after the dark ages had passed?

I have climbed highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
Burning like a fire
This burning inside her
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I’m still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

Anna Moss

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Connecting the dots towards discernment for a better world.

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